At the scale of humanity, there is an infinity of possible love combinations! Among these potential couples, a large majority of relationships will not work. This is what happens when you have not refined your selection yet or are making too many mistakes in your relationships. The lack of experience, the fear of living alone, or certain fragilities lead some people to suffer the choice of others and to be chosen rather than to choose. However, the less selective you are, the more obstacles you will encounter. There are many possible differences in a relationship that can lead to a serious problem:
- Expectations towards the other,
- Character incompatibility,
- Way of life,
- Personal aspirations.
When put like this, it is no wonder that many couples have no future. However, they are prone to staying in an emotionally abusive relationship regardless of the obvious negative impact on their lives.
The Red Flags Of A Toxic Relationship
What makes two people who choose to be in a relationship switch to a toxic one? How to recognize this type of relationship, and what are its consequences?
Pay attention to these signs in order to take the first steps of getting you out of it.
1 — High Expectations
In the very core of every toxic relationship is a partner who expects too much from the other person. Toxic people are so poor inwardly that they bet on the other until they bring them the happiness they cannot access on their own. This lack of personal fulfillment is dangerous because it leads to the need to fill this void.
Whatever the causes (low self-esteem, idealization of the relationship, lack of confidence, etc.), these expectations quickly generate frustrations. And every frustrating situation will be seen as an obstacle to happiness.
2 — A Controlling And Jealous Partner
When a partner has too many expectations or low self-esteem, it is not uncommon for the relationship to shift into hyper-control and unhealthy jealousy.
Where are you? With who? Who sent you a message?
The desire for controlling behavior is often caused by a lack of self-confidence. Thus, the partner who feels “in danger” in front of the outside world may be led to believe that they don’t deserve you and that you will eventually leave them. However, with different types of people, it is very difficult to establish a relationship of trust. In the long term, these behaviors lead to weariness and fatigue that affect both partners.
3 — The Lie
One of the worst enemies of every couple is a lie. When the lie is trivialized within the relationship, be sure that it has become toxic. Lying, betrayal, and insecurity destroy the trust needed for a healthy and fulfilling relationship. When trust is broken, forgiveness has no value.
If you believe your partner is lying to you, behaves inappropriately, or you suspect them of seducing or being seduced by someone around them, it doesn’t mean you are necessarily going crazy. Even if the partner insists that you need to see a shrink, do not fall into the trap but open your eyes. Do not let them turn your anxieties to their advantage (what a manipulator will do) to discredit you.
4 — Frequent Disputes
Once a year, once a month — little disagreements in everyday life are normal. Expressing one’s point of view or disagreement is rather healthy. You can also try to adopt controlled indifference. But when it comes to real and frequent quarrels, it’s something else!
In a toxic relationship, it is not uncommon for one of the two partners to frequently raise the threat of rupture to make their voice heard. If the arguments are frequent, go too far, and your balance between private, social, and professional life suffers, it is time to act!
5 — The Absence Of Dialogue
Are you not able to communicate on your disagreements? Can you talk to each other without getting into arguments? There is no possibility for constructive dialogue if everyone is hiding behind its own convictions.
A couple makes concessions using communication. Two partners must discuss calmly to understand each other. Disagreements can be settled only with demonstrated empathy and acknowledging mistakes. Without this, it is impossible to move forward and restore peace between the two partners.
6 — No (or little) Support
In a toxic relationship, it is common to feel a lack of support. The toxic partner tends to leave the other with their problems and amplify them by complaining that “nothing ever works out.”
In order to check if you are in a toxic relationship, ask yourself what the reaction of your partner is when you need them. Is your partner able to comfort you, help you, and support you by taking your problems seriously?
If you feel alone in your relationship and your partner does not care about your thoughts and feelings, it’s time to question your future with this person.
7 — It’s Always Your Fault
Always blaming the other person is an avoidance behavior characteristic for toxic relationships. If faced with the obvious, your partner understates, denies, or distorts the truth by blaming you. In such a situation, you should know that you will never have the last word.
If they deceive you, it’s your fault. If they do not want to make an effort, it’s because of you.
It’s difficult in this situation not to shrink into guilt or depression. It is high time you opened your eyes and put your relationship and values into perspective. You must then regain self-confidence and persuade yourself of the correctness of your perception. Your expectations are legitimate. And do not let anyone compromise with who you are. If you are reading this article, it is because you are questioning yourself. You should admit that all these signs are not part of a good relationship.
8 — Becoming Isolated
Your friends and family don’t like your partner? You are not anymore on their guest list? Your partner feels misjudged by people around you and prefers to isolate you from the rest of the world? Does this sound familiar?
Isolation is one of the signs that something is wrong with your relationship. If you are in a relationship and you feel alone or cut off from the world, it’s because something went wrong.
Life for two is something that should be fulfilling and should not dampen your social life. Healthy relationships are the frame for mutual understanding and realization of full individual potentials. If your relationship demands too much sacrifice and costs you your loved ones, this should be a serious alert.
9 — Violence
Whether verbal or physical, violence causes great damage within the couple. When a violent relationship is established, it is often difficult to backtrack. What are the signs of this violence? Insults, slamming doors, jostling, etc. are the first signs of an unhealthy toxic relationship. If you and your partner get to these extremes, it’s probably time to questioning your relationship seriously before it’s too late!
10 — Passive Aggression
Aggression is not always physical. For instance, you clearly feel and see that something is wrong, and when you try to get an answer, your partner punishes you with the silent treatment. This kind of treatment is well known as passive-aggressive behavior. It doesn’t leave much space for dialogue and resolution of problems and conflicts. If you don’t have a clue what’s wrong, you cannot fix it. The impasse created by this kind of maltreatment is in most of the cases unbridgeable. If you detect it on time, you will be spared unnecessary suffering.
If you are currently living with a toxic partner, be aware of the damage caused by this type of relationship. A common point to all toxic relationships is that they generate stress and therefore, many health issues. A relationship with a toxic person or a narcissistic pervert also generates anxiety, guilt, and often fear. At best, such a relationship takes away your joy of living.
ently living with a toxic partner, be aware of the damage caused by this type of relationship. A common point to all toxic relationships is that they generate stress and therefore, many health issues. A relationship with a toxic person or a narcissistic pervert also generates anxiety, guilt, and often fear. At best, such a relationship takes away your joy of living.
Negative thoughts exhaust you and hurt your performance outside the relationship. You do not understand what you could have done wrong and how to change to improve your relationship. It often leads to a Stockholm syndrome and a strong emotional dependence on the manipulator.
Know that most people responsible for a toxic relationship do not question themselves. You cannot change someone who is not determined to undergo a sincere introspection process. But if you have identified in your relationship the signs of it being toxic, you have taken the first step toward healing.
It’s often difficult to analyze the situation from the inside, so do not hesitate to seek advice from the outside. A therapist will quickly find the origin of dysfunction while giving you the answers you need to make the right decisions.